in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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