he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
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