wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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