Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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