TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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