I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
