you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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