He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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