Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Randomize
