So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
