dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Are we still banned from the library?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
