i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
