I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
