His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
