I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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