Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
