dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
