Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Those nachos came to me in a dream
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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