do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
