Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Randomize
