Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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