Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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