just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
