no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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