he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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