he wants to bone in the snuggie
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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