youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
