was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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