I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Randomize
