i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
