I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
