Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
