i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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