Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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