you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
