Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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