Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
