so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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