yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
You were trust falling into bushes
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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