ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
