My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
