Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I intend to get homeless drunk
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
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