I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
