Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
