did you get engaged???
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
