Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
We got so high we made milksteak
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
