I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
