i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
