I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
