Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
