do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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