New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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