hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Randomize
