I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
