I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
